It's Sure Tough To Pick The Worst News This week

This past week has featured such news from the "Twilight Zone" that it's very difficult to pick the very worst news of the week. But several top contenders do exist, in what has to be the closest competition ever for the worst news of the week. This week, almost all of the contenders easily eclipse the former champion, the diaper wearing astronaut whose fondest hope was to drive 900 miles in dirty diapers to hit a love rival on the melon with a hardware store bought mallot in her car. That's quite an achievement of bizarre bad conduct.

Here's this week's top worst news contenders:

Jet Blue's Hostages: Passengers sat as hostages on some runway, as idled Jet Blue planes for as long as 8-11 hours according to some newsreports, with very little food or water. As the only entertainment, Jet Blue wanted to charge these hostages $5 bucks each to watch a crummy movie. Not much help in a plane loaded with small crying children and passengers way past the point of frustration, desperation and despair. Normally Jet Blue is considered one of the better airlines, but just not on this particular day. The company's CEO promised to make things right and prevent any further events like this.

Ratty KFC/Taco Bell Restaurant in NY: A New York combination KFC/Taco Bell got a truckload of bad PR when a small army of rats decided to take over the place. Earlier in the week, late night comic Jay Leno got a little mileage out of jokes about KFC adding a fish sandwich to their menu. But the ratty KFC/Taco Bell only renenewed the jokes and gave fresh bad publicity to this normally good franchise of eating establishments.

Portland Cop "Gone Wild": Most police in the Portland School District help to prevent violence or drug dealing on campus, and make the school experience more safe for the students. One Portland policeman, Ryan E. Graichen, 31, decided that shooting a video similiar to "Girls Gone Wild" of high school girls at a dance at Portland's Madison High School, focusing on their breasts and crotch shots, was the proper role for a guardian of public order and school safety. This officer quickly found himself no longer a policeman, and was decertified from any future work as a policeman, although no crime was actually committed in his very disturbing video of high school girls at the dance.

Cruise Ship Misadventures: Cruise ship passengers on vacation in Costa Rica were threatened with robbers while on a shore bus trip, forcing a group of these passengers to take the law into their own hands and kill one of their robbers in the name of self defense. Somehow the fact that these tourist would have to fight off robbers and kill one them in self defense was missing from any travel agency information.

The Decaying Corpse Of Anna Nicole: What a bad story this is. A parade of men claim to be the father of Anna Nicole's baby. The corpse of Anna Nicole Smith continues to deteriorate and decay as a court battle drags on between her friend, attorney Howard K. Stern, and Anna Nicole's mother. An unsettling recent video of Anna Nicole spaced out wearing some gruesome looking clown makeup also emerged. The former cab driving judge tries out for a courtroom TV show, and breaks down crying among other grandstanding theatrics. More screwy theatrics and wacky drama than your average prowrestling event by far. All in all, a disturbing circus of very unsettling images. A very close contender for the very worst story of the week.

This Week's Big Winner, er uh, Loser, Bald Britney Goes Bananas: I'd have to give former pop princess Britney Spears the top honors this week for the very worst news story of all. She started out the week, reportedly by drinking Nightquil outside of a closed hair salon.When the owner let her in, she began cutting off her own hair. Then she got a couple more tattoos, and checked herself into a rehab center the next day, but only stayed a few hours. On the way out, decided to assault a photographer with an umbrella, in what looked like an incredibly bad remake of THE AMAZING COLLOSAL MAN, with her bizarre shaved head and angry grimaced face. Then when her husband, K-fed, who is often the butt of many late night comics' jokes himself, attempted to get an emergency court hearing to protect their two small children from possible harm from their erratic behaving mother, Britney worked out a deal to check back into rehab. A very disturbing dysfunctional situation with two small children caught up in a nasty child custody battle. Very unsettling and weird. Normally pop musicians record albums and do shows, not shave their head, and act totally bananas.

What a outrageous week for very disturbing news. Serious issues like Iraq were virtually put on the back burner while weird news totally ruled the week.