Friday, March 04, 2011

Big Time Sissyass Stuff: BYU Bans Top Basketball Player For Having Sex

BYU that bastion of fine Mormonist education, has decided to ban a top basketball player only days into the huge March Madness basketball season because he had premarital sex with a girlfriend. The school claims that this is to uphold some sort of "honor code". Honor code? Isn't this the same cult church where members once disguised themselves as Paiute Indians and participated in the Mountain Meadows Massacre of about 120 settlers, only leaving just 17 children under the age of 7 alive? Maybe according to Mormonist reasoning leaving a few small children alive ranked as "honor" of some sort?
Interesting, the suspension only came after BYU Cougars player Brandon Davies admitted having sex with his girlfriend who attends college in Arizona, and is an athlete herself. Why someone thinks that it's school business that he's having sex sounds big time sissyass in itself. It shouldn't be any darn business of any school who's having sex with who. That's private stuff. Yet, Davies felt compared to share it with school officials. Oh, great. That was real smart.

At any rate, BYU seems more interested in upholding some wacky church rules than winning basketball games it seems. And, at 6 foot 9 Brandon Davies found out about this the hard way. He was one of the team's stars leading the team to a #3 ranking. Now he's off the team, and any potential future career in the NBA could be put on cold ice as well. Not only were his dreams trash-canned by the school, but the BYU team got trash-canned by New Mexico in a whopping 82-64 loss, only proving the school's stupidity here. The same conduct code also bans the BYU kids from drinking coffee or drinks with caffeine. One Pepsi or Coke could have got the kid kicked off the sports team as well. Every church attempts to ban something it seems, so Mormons long ago randomly picked coffee to ban. Why not pick something almost no one wants, like let's say Pauly Shore movies?

BYU's "honor code" also bans beards as well. Well, that would be real bullshit to any real biker guy right there. You can't look real badass looking like some accountant on a mean looking chopper.

Sleeveless shirts are another no-no at BYU. Yet, I always thought that's pretty much a given what those BYU basketball uniforms look like, isn't it? Even their enforcement of rules is selective here, isn't it. Yet, strangely that sacred temple underwear that Mormons wear to get into Heaven look strangely like a basketball uniform circa late 1888 style.

The BYU honor code also bans unclean language. Oh, you're shittin' me here! What no expletives when you accidentally drop something heavy on your toes like an anvil! Bright colors are banned as well, maybe because BYU thinks they might look a little bit too Hollywood gay or something?

Hey, remember how Fred Flintstone belonged to the Grand Order Of Water Buffaloes lodge, which has their own secret rituals. Well, guess what? Mormons have a secret handshake they learn so they gain entrance into Heaven. It's like Free Masonry gone wild here passed off as religion!

So you have to ask whether a religious cult church operated school has gained anything at all here. Sponsors and donors to the colleges are often attracted by winning sports teams. Does a school that deliberately throws games deserve their financial support?

Well, here's one collective Big Time Sissyass Award to BYU for throwing an important game just to uphold some funky old church rules. Mormon religion founder Joseph Smith and other major church founders were well known for not always keeping church rules very well themselves. Yet, the school decided to screw up their March Madness hopes and any good publicity they could have by going to extremes and suspending a star player for what could have been handled as a minor internal college matter. If that isn't the Webster Dictionary definition of the Big Time Sissyass, then nothing is my friend. BYU, you earned your award here.

BTW, strangely the loss of BYU to New Mexico is a sort of rough poetic justice for the suspension of New Mexico's Elizabeth Lambert for unsportsmanlike like conduct(read rough shoving) during a women's soccer game in 2009. Maybe, this is the nature of college sports.


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